I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
