Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
