I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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