dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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