That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
