I am puke
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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