If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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