Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
