You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
