So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
