i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
as a side note pls kill me
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
