so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
