can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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