I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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