It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize