I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
