Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
