____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
