I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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