so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
are you so shy because you have an std?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
