if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
