his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
third nipple confirmed
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
