remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
