don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Come on in and take your pants off
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