As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
