I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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