it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize