You're my little dorito
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
