it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
