So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm at about main and main street
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
