I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize