JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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