omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
