sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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