i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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