his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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