Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
