Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
