Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
