There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
