I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
it hurts more in the daytime
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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