I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
