I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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