Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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