If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
