went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
