I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Can Purell be used as lube?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
