I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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