i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize