halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
