Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
