That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
