I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
