So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just blew my weed a kiss
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
