I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
