so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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