If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
