I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
