Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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