I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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