Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
