How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
