That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
