What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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