can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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